Benji’s Story: The First Six Weeks

You know those first 6 weeks after you have a baby? They’re rough, right? Especially after your first baby, but really, whether it’s your first or your fifth, those first 6 weeks after the birth are about holding your head above water, battling punishing sleep deprivation, trying to take care of yourself when a tiny human demands the majority of your attention, telling yourself daily that “I can do this,” and embracing your New Normal.

I ended my Benji’s Story Write31Days challenge just as I was stepping into a new beginning: Benji’s Autism Diagnosis.

That was three weeks ago today. (Has it only been three weeks?!)

Everything feels new and overwhelming.

My schedule has been turned upside down.
We have 2-3 new appointments a week, on top of everything else.

My sleep has been disrupted (partially to stress. Eli is still battling the Great Ear Infection of 2015. Yep. We’re getting tubes very soon).

I am trying to figure out how to take care of all of Benji’s new therapies, spending hours in the car and at the Autism Center each week, all while caring for my three other children, my house, my work, my husband, and oh, myself, too.

I feel like I am in the middle of a type of postpartum aftermath.

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Three Weeks postpartum with twins

We’ve had a new “birth” of sorts.
I’m trying to search for perspective, something other than, “Oh my gosh, what? What did we just jump into?”

My life is bursting-full. My marbles are constantly spilling out and I am running helter-skelter after the fragments of my mind, trying to piece together a picture of what it looks like to have a child with special needs.

I’ve been through these types of transitions before, after each baby, each new beginning.
It’s always stressful, and there are lots of tears, “I-can’t-make-dinner-tonights,” forgotten appointments, early bedtimes and even earlier mornings.

I feel wide-eyed and exhausted at the same time.
I feel ignorant, yet overloaded with new information.
I feel lonely but, at times, all I want is alone time so I can catch my breath and think.
I find myself denying and embracing our new reality within the same fraction of a thought.

I am praying daily for grace, patience, wisdom, and the seemingly impossible how of Rest.

Yeah, it feels just like postpartum.

A New Normal is emerging.

But I’m in the middle of my “postpartum” period…and those first 6 weeks are a bitch.

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