Day 17: The Twin Factor: A Special Relationship

Want to catch up on Benji’s Story? Start here!

Our society is fascinated with twins, but they like to appreciate twins as two halves of a whole.
Just today, someone stopped my boys, asked if they were twins, requested that they stand still, studied their faces, and then pronounced, “Yep! They’re identical!” (Wait…what? Really?!) 😉  100_0682

I don’t mind this attention and neither do Micah and Benji, but from the day I found out I was having identical twins (one of my favorite anecdotes!), my husband and I have taken steps to help them forge their own paths.

We have purposely chosen to avoid lots of common “twin” habits and traditions.

We didn’t choose names with the same letter, or names that rhymed.

We don’t buy identical toys.

However, one time they bought each other identical toys! Last Christmas Aaron took each boy shopping separately so that he could buy presents for his bothers. Micah and Benji picked out the EXACT SAME TOY for each other. It was hilarious–and weird.

We don’t call them “the twins.” –they are two individuals, not the lump sum of their womb-relationship.

We don’t dress them alike–if fact, I rarely buy matching clothes.


Ok, sometimes I dress them alike. How can I resist? They are so adorable!

Dressing them alike is adorable, but since I shop 2nd hand most of the time, it isn’t realistic. And actually, dressing alike has caused a bit of trouble for them!

Just a few weeks ago, they wore SIMILAR shirts to school (not even the same shirt!) and Benji came home crying on a Friday because he got in trouble for something that Micah did! Micah readily admitted that he did it and when he went to school on Monday, he purposefully went to the teacher and told her what happened.

“This is probably not the last time this is going to happen, boys.” I told them, laughing and shaking my head.

Being an identical twin has its own joys and consequences.

Most of the time, I don’t even think about the fact that we have twins. We work really hard to celebrate their individuality and unique place in our family.

100_4952However, this past year, as we journeyed through Benji’s struggles in school, the Twin Factor grew to a massive elephant in the room.


Photo by Sabrena Carter Deal

In fact, the reality that he is a twin was THE most important consideration in the educational decisions we ultimately faced.


Photo by Sabrena Carter Deal

In the next few days, Benji’s Story will examine the Twin Factor:
1. Why we chose separate classrooms when they entered school
2. When separate classrooms failed us
3. And…the impossible decision we faced when choosing the best educational option for Benji.

Stay posted!

TheTwinFactorDo you have twins? Do they have similar names? Do you dress them alike?
Are you a twin?
What is a special joy that you have experienced?
What is a unique challenge that you have faced?


  1. I’m currently pregnant with fraternal twins and I never thought I would dress them alike (especially if the same sex) but I kinda’ can’t wait to now! Lol. Well, at least while they are babies. I do agree with them being treated as individuals though. Yes twins are twins and that’s pretty cool but it doesn’t define who they are.

  2. Katie, congratulations on your twins! What an exciting time. I hope your pregnancy is going well. Thanks for reading and commenting. I wish you the best of luck!!!

  3. i do have twins and a single child. my twins are not identical but apparently friends and neighbors always check with me who is who. i just don’t get it. lol. i didn’t want to dress them alike since i thought they are two individuals. but i quickly learnt that if i don’t have two of each, on certain days i will not get them dressed. so yes, i dress them alike and then i am not. if that makes sense. special joy? looking at my kids and then at my husband and saying the word: we have THREE kids!!!! wow.

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