I’m going to have FOUR sons OR How I fought against gender disappointment

 I’m not gonna lie, folks. I had a major freak-out the morning of my 20 week ultrasound. You see, I have three sons. Three adorable boys. Three very energetic boys. I have THREE boys.

I mean, seriously. How cute are these boys?
And everyone in my family was convinced that I was pregnant with a girl. My 6 year old son named the baby “Frederica.” Cute, right? (terrible, terrible name. But what can you do?)

Up until that morning, I was peaceful and serene.
Peaceful me at 20 weeks.
Whatever will be, will be. Que Sera, Sera or whatever.

Of course, I had taken all the online quizzes: Boy or girl? FIND OUT NOW! (Results = girl, every time).
The Chinese Gender Predictor Chart? GIRL.

And seriously, I already have three boys. The odds had to be in our favor, right?

So, back to my freak-out. Peaceful and serene until the morning of. Cue my toddler losing my wedding ring and then 2 hours of frantic cleaning. We didn’t find it. And cleaning is the never-fail-to-put-mommy-in-a-bad-mood solution.  I yelled at all the boys, fed them lunch, and SENT THEM TO BED.

Then I sat down on the couch to think (never a good idea, right?)

I just know the baby is a boy. Another boy. What am I going to do with FOUR wild boys? 
What if Micah and Benji are beyond upset that the baby isn’t a girl?  
My family has 7 grandsons and one granddaughter. They want a girl so badly! How can I carry their disappointment…not to mention my own? 
Because the truth is, I really did want a girl. But I did NOT want to experience the intense “gender disappointment” I did when I found out Silas was a boy. It was not pretty, friends. There was crying, and lots of feeling sorry for myself. SORRY for myself that I was having a healthy baby BOY. I cringe at my immaturity. However, my feelings of disappointment were real.

And I didn’t WANT to feel disappointed this time.

The clock was ticking down. It was an hour till we had to leave for the ultrasound. I got in the shower and started to pray. I don’t even know what I prayed. Only God knew.

Then a question entered my mind: Why do you want a 4th child? 
This baby was planned, longed for…especially after our miscarriage.
And the answer came to my heart: I want to give Silas a sibling that is close to his age. 

Silas is five years younger than his twin brothers. I didn’t want him to feel lonely growing up. So, we planned for a fourth, wanted a fourth.

And as the water streamed down over my face, I realized that I wanted a brother for Silas.
A daughter? I wanted a daughter for me.
But if the baby was a boy…what utter joy that would be for my little Silas.
A little brother.
A wrestling buddy.
A tag-a-long.
A bunk-bed partner.
A best friend.

And then I was ok. I knew this wisdom was from God, who gave this baby to our family, who chose this baby to be Silas’ younger sibling.

And I just knew. I knew even before I saw that little wiggle-waggle on the screen.
Baby Boy Meng
IT’S A BOY!!!
So, here’s how the boys reacted.

Ultrasound tech: “It’s a boy!”
Micah: “Oh, nuts!!!!”
Tech: (aside to me, laughing) “Literally!”
Benji: “But….I thought it was a GIRL!!!”

Both boys admitted later that they were a little sad that we were not going to have a baby sister. I told them I was a little sad too. But is ok to be sad. We can be excited too.

So I am going to have FOUR SONS. And honestly, at times this truth strikes fear and trepidation into my poor little female heart.  And then I just laugh and laugh. Four sons.
Elijah (Eli) Jefferson Meng
Our little Elijah Jefferson is going to join our family in December. I can’t wait to meet my son. I can’t wait for his brothers to meet him.
Have you experienced Gender Disappointment?
What helped you cope with your feelings?
Share your story below!

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