By Amber Haskew, Guest Writer
When it comes to me and my husband, our personalities are as different as possible. Even Myers-Briggs-type advice says our personalities should not marry because we are too different to even understand each other, let alone have a happy marriage!
Yet, in our ten years of marriage, we have come to a place not just of understanding, but of joy. Here’s a little secret that I believe helped us get here.
I know it’s cliché, but I was really, deeply bothered by his dirty socks, I would find them in the office, in the kids’ bedroom, under the dining room table and …really, I can’t think of any place that I didn’t find them. As the years passed, I became so frustrated that one day I was flat out mad for more than an hour over the simple location of a piece of material.
Enough. I tried to change my attitude.
I’m embarrassed to admit that the best I could do in my grumpiness was tell myself that dirty socks were better than him coming home drunk, or cheating on me, or hurting our children. It was a really low bar, I’ll admit! But from that point on, every time I saw the new dirty socks on the floor, I’d try to give thanks that it was not a worse problem.
Once I was not so angry, I tried to accept this annoying trait about my husband. Apparently, socks are just hard for him to get into the laundry. And in the grand scheme of life, that’s okay—really.
Then I began asking myself, “Why is it hard for him?” For the first time, I realized that those socks were on the floor because he is a good dad. From the moment he walks in the door, the children scream, mob him, and drag him off to eagerly show him their latest pride and joy. He puts their desire to spend time with him above changing out of his suit and getting comfortable for the evening. The location of his socks usually coincides with wherever the children’s treasures happened to be that afternoon.
For the first time, I realized that taking off his socks was the smallest comfort that he allowed himself while pouring what was left of his energy into our family.
I also realized that his socks were on in the first place because he got up early, preparing for the day so that he could go to work and keep a good job. He put them on because he loved us and wanted to take care of us—and not just our physical needs! He wanted to treat us and occasionally spoil us.
I started seeing his socks in a whole new light. What started as “something that he did that made more work for me,” became a trigger to think about what an amazing man I married! He poured so much of his day into each of us that he didn’t have time to relocate his socks. He was busy with us because we were more important to him.
This launched a new way of thinking for me. My husband and I are different, yes. But I realized that his personality traits that annoy me can also remind me to remember the amazing things about him.
Now, when I see those dirty socks, they bring a smile to my face that I couldn’t wipe off even if I tried. Because those socks remind me of the amazing man that I married and THAT is something I never want to forget!
What personality traits or habits from your spouse drive you insane? What do you do to cope in your marriage? Share our story below or on Facebook!
Would you like to be a Guest Writer on TheBamBlog? Please email me (brittanyameng(at)gmail(dot)com) if you have a topic that you think would be a great fit, anything from marriage to parenting, special needs to developing special relationships with your kids!