When you’re living your Worst Fear

There was a time in my life where my husband joining the military was my Worst Fear.

Nope. Nada. There was no way I could support that.

There was no way I could do that.

I could not be a military wife…or especially, be a military mom, doing this whole parenting thing solo.

I said “no” to him for a long time. But when I finally said, “yes,” I was still fearful.

“Nine weeks of officer training? That is insane! There is no way. I’m going to have to take the kids and go live with my parents. I cannot do this by myself.”

But here I am, inside of those nine weeks, in my own home, my parents (or any family) 1000+ miles away.

I’m living my Worst Fear.

And do you know what? I’m doing it. I’m making it through each day.
Sometimes I’m like, “Yeah, baby! I’ve got this! We’re doin’ all right!”

And then there are days like today:
The basement is leaking (because it’s been raining for 4 days straight).
My two year old has a fever of 101.2…and then threw up at the dinner table.
My dog threw up yesterday and today for no apparent reason.
My car is making a funny noise and I had to arrange for a ride and childcare to get it to the garage tomorrow.
My twins wore me down with intense emotions and argued incessantly with me for over an hour.
I am in the middle of de-cluttering my basement, which is overwhelming (because it is my husband’s stuff and I’m all like, I don’t even know what this is!).

It was tough.

But here I am: The kids are all in bed; we made it to this blessed hour. I am sitting in bed too, on this wet, cold April night thinking, We made it through another day.

And when I say “we” I mean me and my four boys, but also “we” as in the host of people who have helped me today:

My dear friend Candace who came in for a whirlwind 24 hours of good food, good conversation, and chatting till 12:30 in the morning before we both called it a night and went to sleep, like two school girls at a slumber party.

My friend Laurie who sent me a facebook message to ask how I was doing and to ask what she could do to help me. Then she signed up for a meal on our meal train.

My sweet babysitter and friend Taylor who came to keep me company this evening when I was feeling low.

Aaron’s former co-worker who made good on his word to come over to help me with “anything”; tonight he installed two mini-blinds for me.

And our neighbor Tyler who is currently trying to run diagnostics on my car…in the rain.

I’m so thankful, like deep down in my soul grateful, because that love is helping me through this tough time.

It takes a village to make it through your worst fears, and I’m grateful for mine.

2 Comments

  1. bellabooksandbaking

    I am the worst person at waiting for anything, especially when it’s waiting for relief at the end of a long period of HARD. I found that if I could manage it, the “one day at a time” thing could work… mostly. Nobody’s perfect, right?

    For me, I think of that period of waiting through one day after another as something like staring at my feet and watching them walk forward. I don’t look at the destination. I just look at my feet and watch them move and know that progress is being made and I’m getting somewhere. It might be slow. It might be long, but dangit those feet are moving. And at some point I’ll look up and realize I’ve arrived.

    • I like that analogy. I feel that way…a lot. “And at some point I’ll look up and realize I’ve arrived.” Yep.

      Thanks for reading and commenting Melissa!

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